Heading My Glorious Church
Lack of Understanding
Another Abused Woman’s True Story

"My biggest frustration and source of anger, is at those who have refused to take a stand when they saw the abuse perpetrated by my narcisstic ex-husband. No matter how outrageous his behaviour, others often stood by and inadvertently fuelled his grandiosity and denial... although denial is too mild a word for what narcissists practice. It still takes my breath away when I recall the casual dismissal of my person by this narcissist. It took me so long to figure it out on my own. I was in therapy for a long time with this person and on my own. No one really helped me to understand what was happening. I have had to figure it out on my own then needed others to know what was happening to heal and help me get away. But it’s so hard to explain unless you experience it up close. I mean people would see the behaviours but never put the whole picture together."
"It’s been my experience that the narcissists LOVE to have some visible manifestation of "abuse" to show off so as to turn their prey into inflictors instead of responders. No doubt your narcissist turned around and solicited the sympathy of his next mark by howling, "LOOK what she DID to me". And of course, you’re standing there with ‘nothing’ (ha!) but invisible psychic wounds to compare."

"Anyone who hasn’t been at the frontlines trying to deal with an narcissist...simply can’t get their heads around the devastation they cause to one’s life.

The stories are so bizarre that it’s easier for them to believe that YOU’RE the disturbed one. However, little by little, I am being given understanding and support, and that’s been extremely validating."

"I got so sick of reading the "poor narcissist, bad childhood, mommy didn’t love him enough, blah blah blah" bullshit with no emphasis on the destruction they constantly wreak in the lives of the people who love them."
"…I would like to explain (being one of the idiot long term narcissitic marriages - 30 years) that I could never express myself to the other woman about what was going on in my life. I was the only non man-basher when the gals got together once a month. I used to listen to them complain and think how very silly they were...they didn’t know how great they had it. How do you explain the horrendous behaviour of an narcissist to anyone unless they see it...how do you tell anybody of the incredibly horrible things they do to degrade you into hell and explain why you haven’t left them"
"Men or women CANNOT express this confusing world to anybody who hasn’t been there. It is HELL on earth. And so is the recovery process. I don’t think I will ever be capable of believing anyone again or taking the chance of any more torture."
"Non-victims can’t understand this, but the narcisist really does suck the life out of a caring person. I try to think of my narcissist now as a slimy suckerfish right out of the swamp, vacuum-lips out and prowling for someone vibrant and attractive to con and eviscerate."
"Others around me would get so tired of the whole thing and insinuate that I was perpetuating things. All I wanted was for him to leave me alone."
"Part of the hurt and damage was done because others could and would not see what was actually happening. He would always try to ingratiate himself to others. It was sickening."
"Usually they can put on the nicest act, and you look like the harpy bitch, and so everyone takes their side, it is a horror story, a narcissist can be very charming, and manipulative and can manipulate the wisest of the wise. It is the epitomy of brain washing."
"After all those years of walking on eggshells, fearful that I would misstep and cause the irrational rage of my ex, I find myself feeling so absurdly grateful for any bit of kindness. I never realized how much I needed that drink of water in the emotional desert."